His Redemption

The Lord is Sovereign and faithful over all!

For the Broken...

"Father they are broken

Broken to their core...

Their body, spirit, heart and soul are constantly being torn...

They are beyond recognition, 

to all our human eyes, but you Jesus take their heart, 

and only you can revive....

Revive their broken spirit, 

revive their broken lives

and may they not believe the world, 

when it feeds them lies.

Lies that they are ruined, 

lies that they're no good....

It's for these that are so broken,

 that Jesus shed His blood."

One of those nights...

It's one of those nights...
You know the nights that your heart is so overwhelmed....so burdened....so broken....that you know that sleep is no where to be found.

It seems that I've had quite a few of these here recently....
My heart is broken and burdened for children all over the world being sexually exploited and abused right now.  My heart feels a heaviness that it has never felt before.  As I'm sitting here in my home, with my family who loves me dearly, with food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and a bed to lay my head down, I feel broken because I know that there are so many right now being chained to a bed sold for sex.  For the past hour I haven't been able to move....I can't do anything but pray, I can't do anything but search through the word of GOD, I can't do anything but let the tears fall, I can't do anything but cry out to the Father on behalf of these precious girls.  I have the faces of so many girls running through my mind right now....the faces of the trafficked girls on the corner, when I was in SE Asia....the faces of the girls who were being trafficked in the spa we went to in SE Asia....the faces of the girls standing on the corner in Peru.....the face of the young teenage prostitute in NY that I everyday wish I would have talked to, and shared the love of Christ with....the face of Sweetie, a baby who was born into a brothel in India.  Not even 2 years old, she is not old enough to be trained yet, however she spends her days tied to a pole.  No one is allowed to touch her, for they want her to get used to the lack of love.  These girls don't know love...instead they have grown up experiencing cruelty, they don't know comfort, but instead abuse and brokenness.  Some never had the opportunity to be children, instead their body and spirit was broken into pieces and their lives have been shattered.

Father.....I pray that these girls are free....free not only physically from the chains that bind them....but free spiritually....free from the weight and sin of this world!

THE TRUTH WILL MAKE YOU FREE...

More than content in the Valley

Mountaintops....oh mountaintops how I love the mountains!  One of my favorite things about North Carolina is the mountains! I love being at the top of the mountain, wind blowing in my hair, the smell of the trees in the woods, sound of the birds chirping, and the view of all of the beautiful creation that our Father has created!  We have those moments in life where we are thriving and succeeding upon that mountaintop, however a lot of our time is spent in the valley.  The valley is viewed as a place where we struggle, face trials that seem to never fade, meet pain and heartache....the valley is the place where many times we are helpless, desperate, and cling to the hope, that soon we will be free from the valley, and once again upon the mountaintop.  
This valley and I know each other pretty well now....I could run this valley backwards with my eyes closed.  I've been in this valley for a while now, and at the beginning, I desired more than anything to see the top of the mountain again, I was desperate to feel the sun on my face, and to breathe in a deep breath of the fresh air, that came from the top of the mountain.  I waited....and waited....and waited....and I'm still waiting.... and the mountaintop is yet to come.....
However the Lord has given me something that is so much more precious than the mountaintop, something that I never would have expected or dreamed.  He has opened my eyes and my heart, to what being in the valley truly is.  He has taken away from me all the things that I try to find happiness in, and has brought me to the valley where it can be Him and I only.  The valley is where He teaches and grows us, and makes our heart to look more like Him.  
While in this valley, the Lord began with opening my eyes to who I really am, to sins that I have never acknowledged before, to my pride, selfishness, and self righteousness.  For the first time I saw my heart for how it really is, and I was broken over how dirty I am.  For months I have struggled with my sin and my flesh, forgetting the grace and mercy of our Father....Forgetting that He deeply cherishes me, even though I am filthy....forgetting that I have been redeemed through His sacrifice on the cross....forgetting that I am HIS child, but focusing on the grossness of my heart.  I then allowed the enemy, the one who's name isn't even worth mentioning, grasp a hold on my life, I focused more on my dirtiness of my flesh, rather than the grace of the Lord.  I couldn't see how the Lord could love me, or how I could be a follower of Christ when my heart looks the way it does.  After months of tears, heartbreak, confusion, and desperation, the Lord brought me further into the wilderness, and poured His grace, mercy, love, forgiveness and redemption over my heart and my life.  He had mercy on me just as He did Israel....
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her." ~Hosea 2:14                                                                                               
He brought me to the lowest point that I have ever faced, to a place where I was more desperate than I have ever been before.  He loved me, despite the dirtiness of my heart, despite the way that I continually treat Him, despite my pride and selfishness....He brought me to a place where He, and only He would have my full attention, devotion and love.  He carried me to the wilderness....to the valley.....to a place that has become so precious to me, because daily, He is transforming my heart.  
There is a danger of being on the mountaintop too long, we will eventually become boastful, prideful, and think that we do not need the help, or mercy of our Savior.  That is what happened to me, and it's a painful process to rid your heart of.  Mountaintops will come in our lives, however just like a real mountaintop, we must be careful that we don't get too close to the edge, and we must allow the Lord to lead us rather than take it in our own hands.  When the valley comes however, cherish those moments....allow the Lord to teach and mold your heart....allow HIM to break open your heart, and open your eyes to the wickedness of our flesh....and allow Him to pour His grace, mercy, and love over your life.  He desires more than anything, for our full and undivided attention...all of our praise, worship and love.  I have come to find comfort in being in the valley....comfort from the Father....comfort in knowing and understanding that He is all I need....comfort in His voice and His presence in my life!  

  

This pretty much is a perfect prayer to sum up my life right now:)

Have mercy upon me, O God,  according to Your loving kindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.  

Blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.  For I have acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me, against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight - That You may be found just when you speak, and blameless when You judge.  Behold I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.  Behold, You desire in the inward parts, and in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.  Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.  Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice.  Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.  

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous 

Spirit.  Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You.  Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.  O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.  For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart- These, O God, You will not despise.  Do good in Your good pleasure

to Zion; build the walls of Jerusalem.  Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

Psalm 51

Fishing & Cornbread :)

     “I love you princess.”  He wiped my rosy cheek with his rough thumb.  “love you too.”  I said in my high pitched voice.  I was growing like a weed, but at the age of five I was still small enough to crawl up on his lap and snuggle to his strong chest.  
     Sometimes I can still smell him.  He always smelled of gasoline and oil from where he worked in a garage, repairing transfer trucks.  I let the memories fade as I let my gaze pause on the freshly placed tomb stone in front of me.  Almost thirteen years had passed since that April day when I was five, but the memories were so real.  I felt like I had just lived that day not long ago.  
     I hesitated as I went up the steps into the house.  It was always painful to walk into their house knowing he would never again be there, waiting for me.  A smile played on the corners of my lips as I allowed my mind to drift back to a couple years ago.  I was ten and had just finished pushing around the red smelly beats on my plate.  “You hungry?  I saw you hide half of your food in that napkin.”  My eyes twinkled at the sound of his voice behind me.  I nodded my head and rubbed my growling stomach.  He leaned his head to my ear so only him and I would hear his secret.  “Follow me.”  He took my small hand in his, as he opened the freezer with his other hand.  He pulled out two ice cream sandwiches and we made our way back to the living room where we devoured our supper.  
     It was Sunday night and I couldn’t go to sleep, I was exhausted and just wanted to let the heaviness of my eye lids win the battle against my memories.  I never let myself go back to April, of this year, the day I lost my best friend.  
     “Pawpaw please don’t leave me!”  I stood beside his hospital bed in the ICU room at Carolina Medical Center in Charlotte.  It was three in the morning and I hadn’t left his side since he had the bleeding stroke on his brain yesterday at church.  Grandma and I were the only ones in the room, and she was asleep on the chair.  I tried to sleep but couldn’t.  I knew this would be the last time I had my Pawpaw all to myself before he went home to be with his Savior.  I slid my tiny hand in his cold and weak hand.  “Pawpaw I need you, you’re my best friend.  Don’t leave me…please.”  I whispered choking back the tears.    
     The next morning I woke to the nurse checking his blood pressure, my hand still wrapped in his.  I wiped my tearstained eyes and stood from the chair I fell asleep in, my family surrounding me.  “We’re going to give each of you a moment with him before we pull the breathing tube.”  The Dr. said before leaving the room.  We all said our last goodbyes to him.  It was the hardest thing any of us have ever done, to go and get the dr. and tell him we were ready for them to pull the tube.  Because the truth is, we weren’t ready, and never would be ready to say goodbye to the foundation of our family.  
     I watched as his breathing got slower and slower, as the uprising and falling of his chest didn’t happen but every thirty seconds.  I watched as his heart would stop, but then start again.  “He’s holding on, he’s fighting this, he doesn’t want to die.”  The Dr. checked his pulse.  “When you let go, he will let go.”  Although the Dr. was talking to the whole family he was looking at me.  While all my family was sitting and talking, I crept over to my Pawpaw’s side and slid my fingers between his.  “I know I said I needed you Pawpaw, and I do, and always will, but it’s time for you to go.  You’re fighting so hard and I know it’s because of me and because I asked you not to give up.  So it’s okay, you can go.  Just know that I love you so much.”  I felt his hand wrapped around mine squeeze a little tighter then release.  I looked at him with his eyelids closed in amazement.  He squeezed my hand.  I thought to myself as tears cascaded down my cheeks.  I don’t care what the Dr.’s say, even if he was brain dead and couldn’t move, I know he squeezed my hand to let me know he was going to be okay.  I sat there beside him holding his hand as he took his last breath, I watched as his chest rose and fell for the last time.  I watched as my Pawpaw…my hero, went to be with his LORD and SAVIOR. 
I wrote this three years ago when my Pawpaw went to be home, the place we all long to be.  I posted this story because sometimes the ache in my heart is so great.  After three years, the pain and ache in my heart is even more great than it was three years ago.  When something huge occurs in my life, he is the first one that I want to tell.  Sometimes I miss him more than my heart can take, and all I can do is pour my heart out to the Lord.  The simplest things remind me of him.....A fishing pole - I used to hate fishing, but when he wanted to take me fishing I would eagerly agree because those were the most precious times, and I just wanted to spend time with Pawpaw.  The smell of cornbread - I used to gag at the thought of cornbread, but I wanted to be just like Pawpaw so I would choke it down.  However now those two things are two of my favorite things in the world :) 

He was raised so we would not be guilty, He was raised to take away our sins

Well as you probably more than likely know, yesterday was Easter!! And Easter has been great and all, but up until this year, it never really hit my heart!  I mean I know that Easter is all about the resurrection of Jesus, but I've never let that hit my heart before!  Until today, and man did it hit!  You know how you can be told something time and time again, but it never really does anything for you until you truly believe it?  Well that's kinda the turn my heart took this weekend.
Just thinking and talking about the blood atonement....the "once and for all" sacrifice that was made so that our sins and the things that separate us from God, could be atoned for.  As I was sitting in church yesterday morning I kept thinking about Jesus on the cross, and I've heard people say my whole life that Jesus took the sin of the world upon Himself that day.  I've always thought, man that's crazy because there's a lot of sin in this world.  And then a picture came into my mind, and it wasn't one of Jesus with the sin of the world on Him, rather it was the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross with my sins on Him.  I saw every one of my sins on the one who knew no sin, but became sin so that I could be apart of Him.  Everyone of my sins, was upon the shoulders of the one who loves me more than anyone else could ever love me.  My sins hung upon HIM so that I could share in everything that He had! My sins hung upon HIM so that he could pour His grace and redemption over my life!  It absolutely broke me when I saw that image, and gave me a desire stronger than I've ever had to search my heart and weed out every single sin in my life!  
All my life I have put so much focus on the birth of Jesus and His death on the cross(which is very important) however I've never really thought too much about His resurrection.  But the gospel would be pointless without the resurrection.  Going to church would be pointless without the resurrection...Following Christ would be pointless without the resurrection....without the resurrection our faith and our hope would be dead....we would still be dead.  But HE was raised so that we would not be guilty....HE was raised to take away our sins....HE was raised so that we would have hope...HE was raised so that we would have life in HIM!  The resurrection would be just another historical fact if the power of the resurrection didn't make a difference in our lives.  HIS blood....that blood sacrifice that HE made has never been more real, or more powerful in my heart and life than it is right now.  I praise Him that He opened my heart to see and truly realize and understand the power of the resurrection, and HIS Sovereignty for our lives.

My heart can only take so much........

This morning as I was spending time with the Lord, I was reading in Hosea as well as Joshua, when Rahab hid the spies, and as I was reading my heart was just so overwhelmed by the wickedness of our world and overwhelmed at all of the young girls and women who are sold for sex....whether they sell themselves, or they are sold by another.  As I was reading and praying for women all over the world being sold, I thought back to my time overseas in SE Asia, and how many times I was around women being sold right under my nose and I didn't even know it!  An image flashed in my mind then, and I fell to my knees horrified, broken, and sick to my stomach.  My mind went back to the day when I should've known, I should have put two and two together, but I didn't! Why didn't I?  

When I was in SE Asia, we would sometimes go to this place that gave foot massages.  I only got one once, because I don't like people messing with my feet :( However over the course of four and a half months, we probably went around seven times or more.  The image that flashed to my mind that made guilt wash over me, was about two months into being overseas and it was the second time that we had went to this foot massage place, my team mate Ally and I went downstairs to go to the restroom in this place, and there was a door open that had never been open before, and in that room was five to seven mattresses.  This morning when that room flashed in my mind, the first thought that came to my mind was "you dummy!  It is so obvious, why didn't you realize what was happening?"  I was so frustrated with myself this morning, and my heart was overwhelmed with pain, guilt, and sorrow.  Pain for those girls, guilt that I didn't pay attention, and sorrow for the hope they might have seen.  Those girls who were giving people foot massages, that was not their only job, or even their main job!  That was more of a cover up for their life as a sex slave.  Those mattresses were not for them to "sleep" on.  But for them to sell themselves for money.  Looking back now, I see the signs.....the building was surrounded by a tall iron fence, there were video cameras(which is unusual, because people do not have money for that) and their were times we would drive by and it would be closed for "special parties"  All of the signs were there, and I didn't know....it didn't register in my mind what was going on!  And the part that broke my heart the most is the fact that there was a gate with a lock on it, meaning that the women were more than likely being held against their will....they were being trafficked!  All that time, they were there!  For you that know me, sharing the love of Jesus with women who are trapped in sex trafficking is my passion! This is what the Lord has put on my heart and given me a desire to do....share hope with these women.  All along they were right there!  We did share the gospel with them....however we did pay them money for foot massages....and who knows what that money went for!  That money could have went towards bringing more girls in....and that thought right there makes me sick to my stomach and cringe at the thought.  My heart hurts so bad, and I haven't been able to get those girls out of my mind all day!  I honestly think that the Lord was protecting me though, because when I see a room full of mattresses, the first thing that I'm going to think is sex trafficking, and the fact that it didn't even register is strange, so I know that it really just wasn't the Lord's timing and I wasn't supposed to be involved!  That's not to say that it makes it any easier....it actually makes it harder, because I just wonder about those girls and where they are now, and the "what if's" ;) The Lord is Sovereign and faithful over all, and cares for those girls more than I ever could, and wants them to be free physically and spiritually!  So pray for those women and that they will be rescued from the life of being taken advantage of....but more than that pray that their hearts and souls will be rescued from eternity in hell!  Pray that they will become our sisters in Christ!    

Sovereign over all things....

Today I was reminded that the Lord cares about all aspects of our lives!  Sometimes I just forget that He cares about every single moment of my life! Today my car was put in the shop :( oh the joys of having to be responsible.  Sometimes I just desire to be a child again, and not have to worry about things like this! However it's life!  So I took it to the closest place to my apt, because I didn't know how far my car would make it!  They took a look at it and informed me that the piece that was broken was a very expensive piece and when he told me the estimate of the price, tears started pouring down my cheeks.  Now....I told myself "I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry!  No  matter what he says, hold off on the tears."  However when those numbers came out of his mouth, I couldn't help the tears!  It was just more than I had! Pour guy is just standing there like uhhhh I don't know what to do!  So I'm apologizing saying I'm sorry I'm crying, I'm fine, I'm really fine! Then I decide to go to the waiting room part of the garage to call my dad so I don't freak the poor guy out too much, and they were playing Christian music, which was an encouragement in itself.  Then he came in and said that I wouldn't even be able to drive my car anywhere else, because the piece that was broken would cause more damage to the rest of my engine if I continued to drive it!  So I told him to go ahead and fix it....praying that he wasn't scamming me!  He looked me in the eyes, my red, swollen, puffy eyes, and he asked my name.  He said "Kelsey it will be ok, we'll fix it up for you, and give you the best service we can!"  And his eyes were just so compassionate, and he was so sweet!  I figured he would get angry, because here he has an emotional crying college girl in his garage, but he was just so sweet to me!  He even told me that he would provide me a ride to work today! So I went home and just let the tears loose with the Lord, and just asked Him for peace in my heart!  I know He always provides, however sometimes I allow my flesh to take over and my heart became overwhelmed.  I went back to the garage later that evening to pick up my car, and he said that on Thursdays they have some kind of "ladies deal" where ladies get 15% off...and he said that even though it was Friday he was going to give me that discount.  So that was $50 off....however when he rang it in he gave me $60 off (he took off an extra $10) and he told me that I was low on oil so he filled my oil, and I was also low on transmission fluid so he filled that as well.  Then he said that my motor was running hard and it wasn't good for it, so he ran something through it that washed it out, so that it would run more smooth....and then on top of all that, he said that they had to take it out on the road to test it, so they put a little gas in it, because it was on empty.  When I got in my car, my gas tank was over halfway full!  And they did all the extra things for no charge!  Only the first estimate he told me, minus $60!!! How faithful is our God!!  And how precious are His children who are obedient to His voice like this man was!  The Lord truly cares about us more than we can even comprehend!  He continues daily to pour His blessings over our lives!  

Never Ending Process.....

On March 16th nine years ago, the Lord made me clean and whole.  He saved me from the life in hell which I deserve.  He made His presence evident in my life and loved my broken heart.  Let me tell you though that wasn't the end of the pain for me!  I tell others that my story is a little backwards.  The Lord saved me at the age of 11, and part of me understood what it means to be saved, but the other part of me had no clue!  I went through the valley all through high school really.  It was years of pain, heartache and struggles for me.  However through it all the Lord was faithful and poured His grace and mercy over my life!  My senior year of high school, the Lord really made His redemption real and known to me.  He opened my heart to truly accept that I am not worthy of His love, but that He still chooses to pour His redemption over me daily and redeem me.  My first year of college, the Lord really made Himself known to me and I learned so much about Him and what it truly means to be a follower of Christ.  I learned the importance of discipleship, and I truly learned and for the first time understood....I mean really understood and believed the gospel.  The gospel completely transformed my life.  However after that the attack was on!  Satan attacked me from every angle he could.  He attacked my weak points, the places in my life that I know I struggle with and it's easy for him to get to....but also he aimed his attack in places I have never struggled with before.  I was completely overwhelmed.  Then I went overseas for a semester and the Lord really opened my eyes to my heart and how dirty and gross it is...and ever since then I am more and more aware of the dirtiness of my heart.  Which is a good thing, but it's also really hard:) I mean none of us like to see how prideful, selfish, and horrible our hearts can be.  But it's good:)  So now I am in my second year of college and the Lord has brought me to the lowest of lowest of points, where all I had was Him! I had no one else to run, to....but Him!  And let me tell you, I have never in my life felt so completely loved by anyone.  The fact that the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, The Sovereign God, the Almighty, would take the time to shut everything and everyone away from me, so that I would learn to rely on Him.  So I would learn that He is all I need.  So He could drench me in His love and not give up on me....man as I write this tears cascade down my cheeks because I am so overwhelmed by HIM!  He has brought me to the point where I had to decide for myself....why do I believe in Christ?  Is it because it's the way that I have been brought up, or is it because I KNOW that He is the Sovereign King over all things and over my life!  He has brought me to the point where I question, why do I want to work with trafficked girls overseas?  Is it because it's my heart and I am trying to do good things, or is it to bring glory to the name of Jesus Christ!! He has taken my heart and broken it, and healed it, and molded it into who He wants to be.  He has questioned my motives and changed my heart!  And daily he continues to make my heart look more like His!  That will be a never ending process, but a process that I will continue to allow Him to work on me for the rest of my life.  
So although the Lord came into my heart nine years ago, it has been such a journey that He has taken me on....a journey that I know if nowhere even close to through.  And I can't wait to see the valleys and mountaintops that He takes me on!  

Prayer Warrior

You know those time that you are struggling, and going through a tough time, and you have those people who say “oh I’m praying for you” and you walk away thinking “yea sure you are” they are just blowing smoke out of their mouth and they might send up a prayer to you right there, but then they will forget all about you?  Yep we all have those in our lives, and we all have been those in the lives of others.  I know that I have been that person more than not, and I that kills me.  Because that person is trusting me with something that they want me to go to the Father on behalf of, and all I do is send one prayer up and than forget about them.  But then we have those precious people who are just prayer warriors, and it blesses their heart to spend hours on their knees before the Savior on behalf of others.  Those souls are just precious! There are those few people who have come to me before going overseas and they tell me that they are praying for me, and it just brings comfort to my heart because I know that without their prayers I wouldn’t be going overseas in the first place.  And I know that without a doubt, they are at home on their knees interceding for me.  Let me tell you, those prayers make such a difference.  There were so many times whenever I was in Burma, and I just felt the  presence of the enemy over my life and couldn’t get him away.  And in those moments I would feel and experience the prayers of others and the Lord would bind the enemy off and the peace of Christ would wash over my life.  
The Lord is really working on my heart and teaching me how to be a prayer warrior.  When someone is struggling or hurting….truly going before the Lord, heartbroken and burdened for that person as if they were my family.  Because they are my family.  If they are a child of God then they are my brothers and sisters, and we should be on our faces in prayer for our brothers and sisters, prayer that their hearts would be comforted and that the Lord would continue to work in their lives.  Man I have never really thought much about prayer warriors, but the Lord is teaching and growing my heart in so many ways right now, and really teaching me the power of prayer.  I think sometimes we underestimate prayer and don’t believe in the power of prayer.  I want to be a prayer warrior for the Lord.  I want to be a prayer warrior for those who are one for me.  I want to be a prayer warrior for all of my brothers and sisters.  My brothers and sisters here in America and my brothers and sisters all over the world faithfully serving our Lord!

Not My Own....

North Carolina it’s good to be back!  I am here for Spring break and just as busy here as I am at school.  But I have to say it is SO great to be back on southern soil and the land of good ol sweet tea:)  Man I was so excited the second that sweet tea hit my lips and went down my throat....it was a party for my taste buds:) boy was it goooooood! On the drive back, and let me tell you it’s a long drive from KC to NC! However the Lord always uses it to grow me closer to Him and give me a moment with Him….A Jesus moment!  When I was driving the last stretch from TN to home I was looking at the mountains and just talking my heart away to the Lord, and it hit me, like really legit hit me….I am created to bring glory to the Savior.  I know that people always say it, but do I act like it?  Do I live my everyday like my life is not my own, but my Father’s to use for His glory?  No I don’t….I’ve been so focused on my classes, homework, work, and ministry that I don’t praise Him with every breath.  I am stressed and tired like everyone else, but I get caught up in the exhaustion.  But the Lord has really just shown me and given me a desire to have joy in Him, and live every breath like I should….and that is pointing the glory to Him, praising Him through it all, and finding joy that I am not my own, but my Father’s to use me for His glory!  When you think about it we can find freedom in the fact that we are not our own but the Lord’s.  Some may think it’s binding, however I see it as freedom.  I shouldn’t worry what others think or if they are critical, I shouldn’t worry what my ministry looks like, and if I’m “doing enough”  I shouldn’t let those things define me, but be obedient to the creator and daily remind myself that I AM NOT MY OWN!  

Childlike Faith....

Last night I was at the Inman's , which is the family that is moving to Africa that I talked about in a couple blogs ago.  I walked in to their oldest daughter's room who is ten, and her mother asked her "Ok what toys do you want to take with us to Africa?" Keep in mind they don't know how long they will be there!  It could be up to ten years!  And she pointed to a few items on her bed and said right here.  She had a jewelry box, two journals, her American Girl doll, and a few small other things! When I was ten I would've been grabbing every toy I could have found and shoved it in a bag! But at her age she understands what is really important in life, and the reason that they are going to Africa!  Her and I were packing her American Girl dolls up, and I asked her about school...and she went on to tell me that she liked school, however she did not like how they talked about all of these other god's.  She said "I don't see why we talk about all those other god's....we should only be talking about the one true God.  Because He is the only God and He is the most important.  And we should worship only Him."  Oh man....the sincerity of that precious girl.  You know so many times children don't get enough credit.  This precious girl knows something at the age of ten, that I didn't truly understand until I was 16 years old.  We need to learn from them...we should take a step back, and learn from the younger ones in our lives.  The one's who have "childlike faith". This sweet child of God understands that their family moving to the bush of Africa, is for the glory of God and that they don't need material things to satisfy them.  She understands that there is one and only one true God, and He is to be praised above all else.  So as I live my life, I desire to learn from these children of God, and to have a childlike faith!  

All we do is wait...

A portion of our life as Christian girls or women is waiting....we are waiting on the perfect man....the one we call the "right" man.  Waiting for sex until marriage.  Many even wear a ring on the 4th finger on the left hand that symbolizes waiting.

When I was 16 years old I was given a purity ring by my parents to wear on my left finger.  It is a ruby from Proverbs 31 - a excellent wife is far more precious than ruby's!  Yep that's the one, and I just cherish that ring because it's from my parents.  

On February 6, 2012, four years later, I removed that ring from my finger.  

However not for the fact that many may think.  But because I asked myself the question "why am I waiting?"  Why am I spending my time and energy waiting on a husband when my focus could be on serving the Lord.  We are taught not to look to a man for satisfaction or to define us, however we put so much focus on waiting for him and being perfect for him, that that in itself we allow to define us.  I know that one day I will be married, but until that day when the Lord puts him in my life, I will serve and glorify HIM whole heartily, and not hold a part of me back that is still waiting around until the day a man comes into my life.  I don't want to miss the here and now anymore, all because I'm focused on the what's to come.  

I am not bashing or criticizing true love wait rings at all, don't think that.  But for me personally I have spent so much time "waiting" and I have missed opportunities that the Lord has placed in my life.  So instead of waiting, I will go and serve my Jesus and praise HIM for this time in my life where HE is my only focus.  Praise Him for this season of singleness to pour into ministries!  

Don't misunderstand me....I'm not one of those girls who doesn't want to be married, because I do....I'm just so content and satisfied in the Lord, and I know that He has my life in His hands!  
Yes I still have my ruby ring :) I now wear it on my right hand! And I look at it as a reminder to be a proverbs 31 one women in all I do.  In the way that I treat the people around me, and the way that I live for the Lord.

Nine years old with white hair :)

Today I got told that I look like I am nine years old, told that my white hair was beautiful, that I have a beautiful nose, and oh about five people commented on how short I am! Haha oh the joy of working with people from other countries.  Today I began working with Somali's here in KC! Once or twice a week I will be going to a learning center to help tutor and teach English.
Tonight was such a blessing to my heart and the Lord is already knitting my heart together with a couple of the girls.  I can't wait to really know them on a deeper level and get the chance to share the gospel with them.  There were so many precious women there covered from head to toe in fabric.....all but their faces and it just reminded me of the hope that I have in Jesus and want them more than anything to know that hope too.  There is a precious young women named Hobiba, and she is just Beautiful and I all I could do was sit there and pray that she will understand the gospel and one day be my sister in Christ and come to know the Lord.

Who am I ...

So, I have this habit of listening to songs, but not really hearing them. Today I was listening to the song "Who am I " by Casting Crowns...and for the first time I "heard" it.  As I was listening to it the Lord really just made His grace evident in my life.  

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name

would care to feel my hurt.  Who am I that the bright and morning 

star would choose to light the way, for my ever wandering heart. 

Not because of who I am

But because of what you've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who you are.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love

and watch me rise again.  Who am I that the voice that calmed the sea

would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.

Who am I...that the Creator of the world and every living thing, would die for me.  Who am I that the highest of all kings would pursue my wandering heart over and over again every time I stray from Him.  Who am I that the Sovereign Lord over the universe pours His Grace over my life and allows me to take part in sharing His gospel with the nations.

He is Sovereign and merciful and I praise Him for His never ending love for me and that life is about bringing glory to HIS name

Sometimes blessings aren't what we think...

The Lord blesses us more than we ever deserve...
and I love the packages that His blessings come in.  Sometimes His blessings are in such a unique shape and form that we don't realize them.  A family that attends my school are preparing to travel to Africa in a week to share the gospel and serve the Lord with their four daughters.  Today my friends, my brothers and sisters in the Lord and I had the opportunity to serve them by going to there apartment and helping them organize, pack and clean their house before they leave.  We went to be a "blessing" to them and to serve....however the Lord used them to be a blessing to us.  As I sat on the floor surrounded by piles of medicine, pots and pans, band-aids, lotions, and anything you would need living in Africa, I was praying over everything as I was organizing and packing things up for them, and tears just streamed down my cheeks because they are such a blessing to me, and helping them prepare was such a blessing.  Seeing and being with their family in the last days they are here and watching the joy that they have in the Lord.  They don't know how long they are going to be there for this time, it could be 2 years, or it could be over 10 years, but they are prepared and willing to go to the bush in Africa and serve our Father and share His gospel and love with the people who have never heard it before.  They are so passionate about our Lord and so faithful to the calling that He has placed on their life.  The Lord also used them to answer a huge prayer.  There is a strip club close to where I live and the Lord has placed it on my heart to talk to the manager and ask if I can bring the girls(dancers) gift bags filled with items such as makeup, lotion, body wash, hairspray, a bible, and anything that the girls could use.  I have been praying that if the Lord wanted me to do this than He would open the doors and provide the things to go in the gift bags, because as you could probably guess those things are expensive to buy for 15+ girls :) Let me just tell you what my Jesus did ;) There were some things that this family had an abundance of and and couldn't take all overseas such as lotion, deodorant, toothpaste and a few other things, and so they told me to use them for the girls and give to them! Praise the Lord! How amazing is He. He so provided, so I will let you know when we get an open door into the strip club to give out the gift bags to the women :) I tell ya....the Lord is faithful! Be in prayer for what the Lord is going to do in this strip club, and also be in prayer for the Inman's, the precious family who are giving their lives to serve our Lord in Africa!

We'll see how this goes!

Welp I love to write and journal, however I'm not good at keeping up with things, so we will see how this goes with the blog! I am Kelsey Coffey, 20 years old, in my 2nd year of college at Midwestern Seminary in Kansas City! I'm an undergrad of course...I'm not smart enough to be 20 and already be in seminary :) I have a heart and passion to take the gospel to the nations...to proclaim the name of the Lord with all that I do...and to bring the hope of Jesus to those who don't know it!
When I was 16 years old the Lord called me to work with girls in the sex industry/human trafficking! That goes from girls who are sold by their parents or boyfriends, to girls who sell themselves to live.  It's all the same and they're all hurting.  So we will see where the Lord takes me with that...there are some very big possibilities in the near future, offering hope to girls in strip clubs and brothels, however many doors have been closed, and although sometimes it can be frustrating, the Lord is the one who has called me to do this, and it is in HIS timing, not mine. That's really hard to remind my heart of that daily though, because every part of my being wants to be out there right now on the front line with these girls.  But I am reminded daily that it's for the glory of my KING, and because of that I will wait for Him, I will wait for His timing and I will wait for His leading!