Never Ending Process.....

On March 16th nine years ago, the Lord made me clean and whole.  He saved me from the life in hell which I deserve.  He made His presence evident in my life and loved my broken heart.  Let me tell you though that wasn't the end of the pain for me!  I tell others that my story is a little backwards.  The Lord saved me at the age of 11, and part of me understood what it means to be saved, but the other part of me had no clue!  I went through the valley all through high school really.  It was years of pain, heartache and struggles for me.  However through it all the Lord was faithful and poured His grace and mercy over my life!  My senior year of high school, the Lord really made His redemption real and known to me.  He opened my heart to truly accept that I am not worthy of His love, but that He still chooses to pour His redemption over me daily and redeem me.  My first year of college, the Lord really made Himself known to me and I learned so much about Him and what it truly means to be a follower of Christ.  I learned the importance of discipleship, and I truly learned and for the first time understood....I mean really understood and believed the gospel.  The gospel completely transformed my life.  However after that the attack was on!  Satan attacked me from every angle he could.  He attacked my weak points, the places in my life that I know I struggle with and it's easy for him to get to....but also he aimed his attack in places I have never struggled with before.  I was completely overwhelmed.  Then I went overseas for a semester and the Lord really opened my eyes to my heart and how dirty and gross it is...and ever since then I am more and more aware of the dirtiness of my heart.  Which is a good thing, but it's also really hard:) I mean none of us like to see how prideful, selfish, and horrible our hearts can be.  But it's good:)  So now I am in my second year of college and the Lord has brought me to the lowest of lowest of points, where all I had was Him! I had no one else to run, to....but Him!  And let me tell you, I have never in my life felt so completely loved by anyone.  The fact that the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, The Sovereign God, the Almighty, would take the time to shut everything and everyone away from me, so that I would learn to rely on Him.  So I would learn that He is all I need.  So He could drench me in His love and not give up on me....man as I write this tears cascade down my cheeks because I am so overwhelmed by HIM!  He has brought me to the point where I had to decide for myself....why do I believe in Christ?  Is it because it's the way that I have been brought up, or is it because I KNOW that He is the Sovereign King over all things and over my life!  He has brought me to the point where I question, why do I want to work with trafficked girls overseas?  Is it because it's my heart and I am trying to do good things, or is it to bring glory to the name of Jesus Christ!! He has taken my heart and broken it, and healed it, and molded it into who He wants to be.  He has questioned my motives and changed my heart!  And daily he continues to make my heart look more like His!  That will be a never ending process, but a process that I will continue to allow Him to work on me for the rest of my life.  
So although the Lord came into my heart nine years ago, it has been such a journey that He has taken me on....a journey that I know if nowhere even close to through.  And I can't wait to see the valleys and mountaintops that He takes me on!