My heart can only take so much........

This morning as I was spending time with the Lord, I was reading in Hosea as well as Joshua, when Rahab hid the spies, and as I was reading my heart was just so overwhelmed by the wickedness of our world and overwhelmed at all of the young girls and women who are sold for sex....whether they sell themselves, or they are sold by another.  As I was reading and praying for women all over the world being sold, I thought back to my time overseas in SE Asia, and how many times I was around women being sold right under my nose and I didn't even know it!  An image flashed in my mind then, and I fell to my knees horrified, broken, and sick to my stomach.  My mind went back to the day when I should've known, I should have put two and two together, but I didn't! Why didn't I?  

When I was in SE Asia, we would sometimes go to this place that gave foot massages.  I only got one once, because I don't like people messing with my feet :( However over the course of four and a half months, we probably went around seven times or more.  The image that flashed to my mind that made guilt wash over me, was about two months into being overseas and it was the second time that we had went to this foot massage place, my team mate Ally and I went downstairs to go to the restroom in this place, and there was a door open that had never been open before, and in that room was five to seven mattresses.  This morning when that room flashed in my mind, the first thought that came to my mind was "you dummy!  It is so obvious, why didn't you realize what was happening?"  I was so frustrated with myself this morning, and my heart was overwhelmed with pain, guilt, and sorrow.  Pain for those girls, guilt that I didn't pay attention, and sorrow for the hope they might have seen.  Those girls who were giving people foot massages, that was not their only job, or even their main job!  That was more of a cover up for their life as a sex slave.  Those mattresses were not for them to "sleep" on.  But for them to sell themselves for money.  Looking back now, I see the signs.....the building was surrounded by a tall iron fence, there were video cameras(which is unusual, because people do not have money for that) and their were times we would drive by and it would be closed for "special parties"  All of the signs were there, and I didn't know....it didn't register in my mind what was going on!  And the part that broke my heart the most is the fact that there was a gate with a lock on it, meaning that the women were more than likely being held against their will....they were being trafficked!  All that time, they were there!  For you that know me, sharing the love of Jesus with women who are trapped in sex trafficking is my passion! This is what the Lord has put on my heart and given me a desire to do....share hope with these women.  All along they were right there!  We did share the gospel with them....however we did pay them money for foot massages....and who knows what that money went for!  That money could have went towards bringing more girls in....and that thought right there makes me sick to my stomach and cringe at the thought.  My heart hurts so bad, and I haven't been able to get those girls out of my mind all day!  I honestly think that the Lord was protecting me though, because when I see a room full of mattresses, the first thing that I'm going to think is sex trafficking, and the fact that it didn't even register is strange, so I know that it really just wasn't the Lord's timing and I wasn't supposed to be involved!  That's not to say that it makes it any easier....it actually makes it harder, because I just wonder about those girls and where they are now, and the "what if's" ;) The Lord is Sovereign and faithful over all, and cares for those girls more than I ever could, and wants them to be free physically and spiritually!  So pray for those women and that they will be rescued from the life of being taken advantage of....but more than that pray that their hearts and souls will be rescued from eternity in hell!  Pray that they will become our sisters in Christ!